The collection
by Leslie Emm
Summary: A series of drabbles, one shots and some that 2/3 parters. They are focussed around the time that Jessica Angell died and after, how Flack coped with it, and how he started to move on. They're not in chronological order, written and posted as they hit me. Please review : pretty please lol
1. Chapter 1

I sometimes get ambushed by ideas whilst I'm writing, some of those ideas fit in with the story and some don't. But, they stop me from moving the story on as they refuse to leave! So these are a series of such (some a bit long to be drabbles really) drabbles, mainly one shots that don't really fit in to what I am writing. Please review :)

Auto – motive

Flack leaned back against his seat, stretching his lower back muscles, Mac caught his eye briefly, checking up on him again no doubt. He turned away from Mac's gaze, tuning in to Danny charming the table.

"So, the guy turns to Mac and says 'Wassup Grandpa?'" Danny paused for effect "And Mac gives him the look, and says 'Your hands if you don't wanna get shot' Man, the guy nearly wet himself!"

The punchline would have been poorer if anyone else had told it Flack reflected, it wasn't that good a joke, but the way Danny had for telling things made them good. Flack was unsure what he'd have ended up like if it weren't for Danny. Mac was the one who made him pick himself up after Jess, but Danny was the one who helped him put his life back together.

He looked around the table of assembled various officers from law enforcement and NYFD. It was Danny's birthday and it was testament to how popular Danny was that they practically filled the bar of the club, not that it was big. The bar tenders had set them aside an area at Danny's request, he was regular here, along with some of the others, Flack, Adam, sometimes Hawkes joined them. The girls tended to only join them on special occasions, but they were here in force tonight along with a couple of fire fighters and ambulance crews that Danny had got to know. There was also a detective from another precinct, Roseanne, or Rose as she preferred, Marston, she'd gotten to know Lindsay when they both got stuck into a drugs case and ended up friends, he'd met her a few times, and before Jess would probably already be well on his way to bedding her, and in the dark months after Jess he probably would have bedded her and forgotten her name by now, treating her badly as he had so many others while he imploded with pain. He was different now, buried himself in his work, friends and social life and although he was at the point where he could find a woman attractive again on more than a base level, he wasn't ready for anything else, and wasn't willing to hurt someone by using them.

Flack realised he'd been staring as she smiled at him from across the table where she sat between Lindsay and Adam, Adam was mesmerised but Flack wouldn't bet on it happening any time soon. He stood up, picking up his empty bottle.

"Anyone need a refill?" he asked, ignoring Mac's dark look in his direction.

"I'll come with you" mac said, both of them heading to the bar.

"You sure you should be drinking this much Don?" Mac asked, direct as ever.

"I'm OK Mac" Flack began "It was me that was the problem, not the booze. I wasn't an alcoholic, just needed to escape for a while at the time, but I've got through that, I can have a few beers in good company now without ending up unconscious on a subway platform, and this will only be my second"

"I know Don, I've been there, I just don't wanna see you back on that road again. You've got yourself back and I'm proud because I know what that took, but if you head down there again, you may not be so lucky this time and lose your badge" Mac replied. He always came across that he was concerned about a member of his team because of the impact on the whole team, it was the way he worked, but both men knew that if Flack had never come back from that time then it would have been a personal loss to Mac as well as professional.

"Thanks Mac" Flack spoke quietly, although slightly annoyed by Mac's attitude, more so he appreciated that Mac had his back, and always would have.

Just as they turned with the drinks back to the table, Flack was aware of two things happening almost simultaneously. Firstly Rose Marston smiled at him as she went past on her way to the ladies room and he thought irrationally that she was tall for a woman as she could almost look him in the eye without lifting her head much, and just as his gaze started to move towards her feet to see if she was wearing heels, the second happened and all hell broke loose.

Gunshots exploded around them. Mac, Flack and Rose hit the floor as one, Mac with a hand on either of their heads. They could not see the rest of their table, but through the noise Flack could hear Danny shouting Adam's name and the sound of furniture being thrown around. His gun was in his hand, as was Mac's. That instinct was as natural as breathing to a detective in New York City.

Silence reined a few seconds as the gunfire stopped. Flack and Mac raised their heads, guns trained in the direction of the gunfire.

"NYPD drop the weapon!" Mac called out, levering himself from the floor and taking cover behind a pillar in the bar. Shots exploded again, but this time returning shots rang out as Flack covered Mac's move. He started to prepare himself to follow.

"I can't see shit here" he told Rose "Cover me"

"Flack I'm unarmed!" she said desperately, grabbing his arm.

He frowned and reached down for his back up gun on his leg "Lose it and I'll shoot you myself" he warned before making a dash to Mac's side.

There was further chaos and gunfire before more silence and Rose heard Mac Taylor's voice.

"Is anybody hurt?" he shouted urgently "Is everybody OK?"

"Go Mac go!" she heard Danny shout "We're OK"

She stood cautiously to see Flack and Taylor blast through the door in pursuit of the mystery gunmen, a glance to her left told her that although in disarray and looking shocked, the rest of the party were relatively uninjured, she spun on her heel and ran out of the bar through the back entrance. Her hunch that the shooters would take the nearest alley correct as two hooded dark figures ran ahead of her, she glanced behind, no sign of Taylor of Flack but she could hear a siren a squeal of tyres in her direction, she had back up.

As the gunmen dodged ahead of her through the streets and Alleys of New York, Rose caught glimpses of Mac Taylor and Detective Flack in Flack's car now and again, waiting to get close enough to pursue on foot. She saw the perps go over a low wall ahead of her and through a chain link fence saw Flack power his car along the adjoining alley. She knew that at least one of the perps were tiring as she'd been gaining ground.

Rose launched herself over the wall and onto a dumpster the other side, as she ran to jump from the edge Flack's car stopped in front of the dumpster and the door opened. Already committed to jump, Rose ran across the roof of the car and cleared the door and Flack in one movement, setting off running again, they had one gunman trapped against a building, the other was no where to be seen.

Flack emerged from his car, he'd seen the perp trapped and knew Rose had the way back covered, Mac was going after the other one who had split. As he braked the car he heard a loud thump on his roof and although halfway out the car, ducked as something went over his head. It took him a second to realise what it was, but there was no time to reflect on it.

"NYPD!" he shouted "Drop your weapon!" his gun aimed at the man's head, he saw Rose, her gun also aimed at the man in his peripheral vision.

"No way man!" the guy aimed his gun between Flack and Rose.

"Do the math bonehead" Flack said "You get me, she gets you before I hit the floor"

The man threw the gun at Flack, who ducked round it. Rose and Don were on the guy in a second.

"This is police brutality!" the guy yelped

"Head down!" Rose told him, holding him firmly while Don secured the cuffs.

"Shut up bitch!" the guy spat as he was unceremoniously hauled to his feet.

"Hey watch your mouth" Flack gave him a shove "My Ma always said that washing your mouth out with soap works for potty mouth"

"Asshole!" the guy directed at Flack

"Charming" he retorted "I'd shut it if I were you or I might just give you some police brutality to go with your claim!"

Rose and Flack faced each other, Rose panting with the effort of her running.

"You. Ran. Across. My. Car" Flack said, his eyebrows practically in his hairline

"Caught the guy though right?" Rose replied still gasping slightly.

"Yeah, but you ran across my car!" he said again

Rose looked at the top of the car "It's not dented" she shrugged

"Yeah but..."

He was cut off as sirens and tyres announced the arrival of squad cars. Mac emerged from one as Flack handed the guy over to a uniformed officer.

"You get him?" Flack asked

"Yeah" Mac was also slightly out of breath "See you got the other, good teamwork guys"

"Thanks" said Rose, now recovered.

"Teamwork?" Flack looked incredulous "She appeared outta nowhere and _ran across my car_!"

"Well we got two in the bag, no injures, a crimescene to process and you have interviews to conduct. We'd better debrief Detective Marston too"

Flack looked at her, the thought crossed his mind that he wouldn't mind a de briefing of another nature all together before he shook it away.

"I guess" he said, turning to inspect his car roof in detail "I can see a foot print here" he sniffed

"Be grateful I'm not wearing heels" Rose spoke from his shoulder, leaning around him. He suddenly remembered his thought from the bar before the shooting started and looked down to see flat, black shoes.

"Humph!" he replied "You still ran across my car, and where's my gun? I told you what'd happen if you lost it, though I should shoot you anyway for running across my car"

"Here's your gun" she rolled her eyes "What's with you? You not like sharing your big boy toys huh?" she teased

Flacks eyes widened, he was the king of sexual innuendo and wasn't about to let this pass, especially as he felt distinctly like she had the upper hand.

"Big boy huh?" he smirked

Unable to think of a suitable retort, Rose narrowed her eyes, saved by Mac stepping over to them.

"Book those prisoners in and then both of you get over to CSI HQ, I wanna get this while it's fresh in our minds" he ordered.

"You giving me a ride, Detective Flack?" Rose asked innocently

"Unless you wanna cling to the roof?" he bounced back

"Being honest, bonnet surfing is more my style" she shot back "But I'm happy to ride shotgun this time"

"Good my car has taken a battering enough for today" he said, folding himself into the car.

…...

I may continue this at some point, if the urge takes me. :) Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Memory arrested**

Detective Flack congratulated himself on another criminal in the bag as the suspect was loaded into the squad car. He was heaving for breath, undoing his top button and loosening his tie. He leaned back against the nearest squad car, raising a hand in greeting to Danny and Mac as they approached him. They had been busting a drug den when one ran, Flack had been chasing him for best part of three miles, on foot, before the squad cars located them.

"Good collar Don" Mac said

"Thanks" was all he could manage, stretching his leg muscles as cramp set in.

"Still got it for an old guy" Danny teased, Flack couldn't answer but gave him a look that promised retribution when he could.

"Detective Flack?" He turned towards the woman holding out a bottle of water "Thought you could use this"

"Thanks" he said drinking some. He knew fine well that the increase in his heart rate was nothing to do with the workout he'd just had, and more to do with her smile. But he wouldn't and couldn't not after... He halted his thoughts, not another cop, even if she wasn't his partner it was too close.

"The other guy's still at large" she told him, her eyes skimming his chest as he caught his breath.

Damn it, he thought, why the hell can't I be attracted to normal women, with normal jobs?

"We got guys hunting him down" she finished, breaking into his thoughts.

"Thanks Anna" he said smiling at her despite himself, feeling her lock onto his eyes, they'd done that before and it'd nearly, almost, tempted him to kiss her, but no, he wasn't going to do that to either of them. Even though he was pretty sure she wouldn't push him away.

He pushed himself away from the squad car, himself, Anna, Danny and Mac stood in an awkward square, just as the shots rang out.

In horror Don Flack watched his team mates drop to the floor, but not before catching sight of blood splatters forming across Anna's face. No!No!No! His mind screamed, not again, No! His body hit the floor and he realised Anna was covering him. He tried to reach out to her but he couldn't, he didn't know what was happening, but he thought he was through with all this, that he could cope under fire again. His last thought as he lost consciousness was that he would do it again, for Anna as he had before, this guy would die at his hands.

Don Flack coughed a few times and swiped at whatever was being held over his face, he tried to open his eyes but they appeared glued shut. He was confused and panicked, he had no memory of what had happened but had an overwhelming urge to get up, check everyone was Ok, Jess? No who? Anna? He struggled against hands holding him down.

"Lie still Detective Flack" a voice told him firmly "We need to check you out"

What the hell? Why did he need checking out, he couldn't lose another one, someone he cared about even if he didn't love her, he cared, the potential was there, if he'd let it, and it'd happened again. Why weren't they working on Anna? He got flashes of Jess in the ER, on the floor of the diner, of Anna with her face covered in blood before he felt something cold in his arm and he faded out again.

"Don?" he heard Mac's voice, it jerked him awake and automatically he turned to look to the voice.

"Mac?" his voice was croaky but his mind cleared quickly, the events rushed back to him "What happened?"

"The one who got away" Mac began "Took potshots at us, bullet grazed your head, you're lucky"

Don thought a moment piecing things together "Anna, Danny? Are you OK?"

"We're all fine, your guys took him out before he got closer" Mac told him "It was just you and other than ruining your haircut, there's no damage at all"

Flack sighed more memories coming back as the door opened and Anna came in.

"Hey, you're awake" she smiled.

"Give us a minute?" he asked Mac, Mac nodded and left placing a hand on Anna's shoulder, he feared that Don was about to do something he would regret and break the tenuous connection that he had with Anna, but he couldn't blame Don, he'd been there and he knew how hard it was to let someone in when you'd lost your world before. To open yourself to a broken heart again, in the worst way.

"You OK?" he asked urgently "I remember, you had blood on your...face"

"It was yours" she said quietly "Spray from your wound, I'm fine"

She looked concerned as his eyes filled with tears "Sorry" he mumbled.

"Hey, no problem, bleed on me when you like" she smiled "How do you feel?"

"My head hurts like a bitch" he said "But guess I'm OK"

She shifted her gun holster, moving it away from her hip, wincing.

"Thought you were OK?" he accused.

"I am" she replied, she knew she needed to tread carefully here "When I fell onto you, your er, gun banged my hip, just a bruise"

He smiled slightly if he wasn't quite so woozy he'd have thought of a suitable witty remark, but he couldn't, he just laid there grinning like an idiot.

"Guess Danny's right though" she said coyly.

"What's he said now?" he asked defensively.

"That you'll do anything, including getting shot to get a woman to fall for you" she laughed.

"Tell Danny" he said, hauling himself into a sitting position "I'm gonna kick his smart ass for him"

…...


	3. Chapter 3

**Boom.**

Corny I know – but how can you have something with Danny in without the word boom? Ha ha please review, these appear to be turning into snippets of Don moving on after Jess etc, later on when he's steady again. Subject intrigues me.

"Hey Man" Danny Messer greeted as he opened the door.

"I brought beer..." Don Flack offered the six pack in his hand.

"Good man" Danny approved "Lindsay's still here, but guaranteed, when I switch the TV over, she'll be gone"

"I heard that Danny!" Lindsay's voice echoed from the direction of their bedroom "Hey Flack"

"Hey Linds" Don replied.

"Sorry honey" Danny grimaced as he closed the door, slapping away Don's hand as he placed his thumb on Danny's forehead, whispering to Don "Cut it out man, I'm not under the thumb"

Don smirked "Yeah more like pussy..." he broke off as Lucy toddled out from the sitting room.

"Cat" he finished looking down at her "Hey Lucy what ya got there?"

"Naa-na" she said confidently holding out a handful of well mashed up banana "Some?" she asked.

"No, thank you" he said "Banana's are Daddy's area Lucy, but when you're all cleaned up are you gonna watch the game?"

"Thought you were here to help Danny babysit?" Lindsay said slyly as she came towards them.

"Hey" he held his hands up in surrender "Uncle Don's duties consist of buying inappropriately noisy toys, and when she's older, scaring off punks"

Lindsay laughed "Yeah thanks for the mini drum kit Flack, we _really_ appreciate the thought"

Don shrugged "I asked Danny what she likes, he said to make lots of noise, so there you have it. Gimme a break guys, I'm a bachelor"

"One day Don, you'll have kids, and when that happens, it'll all come back ten fold" Lindsay smiled.

Don looked at her in mock horror "Please Lindsay, don't say things like that, it scares me"

Danny laughed as they walked through to the lounge "Anyway, it's our turn Saturday night right Flack? Hit the town?"

"Ah I can't" Don sighed "Family dinner thing at my folks place. Grandma's 90th birthday"

"Nice" Danny smirked.

"Yeah, can't wait to see which 'nice young lady' they try and foist on me this time, my ma just doesn't get that I like to choose my own clothes, hairstyle and women these days" Don sighed, dropping onto the sofa.

"Your Grandma still think you're gay?" Danny asked

"Yeah" Don replied.

Lindsay laughed "Is she serious?"

"She gets a little confused" Don explained "And she's forgotten about the other girls I've taken home over the years, because I haven't for a while, she makes loud references to me being a 'man's man' and telling my ma that it's no good pushing women onto 'boys like that'"

Lindsay and Danny laughed "Though you know, has been a while" Danny said.

Don shrugged "Now if I could take someone with me on Saturday they'd all shut up about my love life" he looked speculatively at Lindsay.

"Uh – uh" she shook her head "No way, take Danny"

"What, and have the rest of my family think Grandma was right?" he asked.

"Tricky" Lindsay said turning as someone knocked at the door "Come in, it's open"

"Hi Lindsay, Danny" the woman said as she came in, closing the door behind her.

"Hey Alice" Lindsay greeted "You remember Don right?"

"Yeah hello, how are you?" she smiled.

"I'm good thanks" he replied "Alice, from England? You're Lindsay's cousin?"

"Well, not officially" she said "Our parents are good friends and I lived with Lindsay and her family to go to med school over here, and stayed"

Don glared at Danny as he dug him in the ribs grinning, Lindsay frowned at him as she put on her coat.

"Now boys, behave, and no fooling around, don't get drunk and I'll be home by twelve" she ordered.

"Yes Ma'am" Danny replied standing to kiss her as they left.

As the door closed, Danny looked at Don, a certain look in his eye.

"Shut up Messer" was his response.

"Never said a word" Danny grinned "But she's hot right?"

"I said shut up" Don leaned forward "But yeah she's hot, but I can't understand a word she says"

"Sometimes, I wish I couldn't understand what Lindsay says, it's no bad thing ya know, as long as she knows your name right?"

Don laughed at Danny's facial expression, they could read each other.

"You're disgusting" Don snarled lightly, trademark sneer in place.

"Hey, all I'm gonna say on this Flack is 'Boom'"

"Like I said, disgusting" don rolled his eyes.

…...


	4. Chapter 4

****I have written the next three to follow in from each other. This seems to be turning into a journey of Flack after Jess and when I wrote this one it kinda clicked and I wanted to write more. I'm stuck with equate right now, I know what I want to write but it's coming out all wrong, so I'm going with these for the moment. Is anyone actually reading them anyway? lol

**Trade off – Part one**

Fiona Fallon took a double take as she walked along the bar, the guy looked back, smiling drunkenly.

"Hey baby" his New York drawl slurred but the voice recognisable "Can 'a get ya a drink?"

"Don? Dona Flack?" she looked shocked at his appearance and showed it "Sam's brother?" She thought Don was a hot shot cop, right now he looked more like a hot shot tramp.

"Yeah" he took a swig of his beer "Who's askin'?"

"It's Fi" she said moving in as close as the beer fumes and body odour would let her "Fiona Fallon, I went to high school with Sam"

He frowned at her, she doubted he could see straight, let alone recognise her.

"Little Fi?" recognition blazed belatedly in his eyes "My God, not so little any more are you?" he laughed at his own joke as his crossed eyes tried to focus on her chest, he licked his dry lips and took another swig from the bottle.

"Are you OK Don?" she asked "Are you here alone?"

"Not anymore" he sneered "Sit down, hey!" he waved at the bar tender "Hey! Get this lady whatever she wants"

Fi sat down reluctantly, she really didn't want to be so close to him, he looked dangerously out of control. But what she had known of him as a teenager and the sparse updates that she'd got from Sam when they ran into each other, didn't match this guy. Something had gone seriously wrong for him to be like this, and although their friendship had waned through the years and Sam's problems, Sam had picked herself up recently and made an effort to reaffirm the friendship and Fiona felt she owed Sam to not leave Don like this.

"So" he could barely hold his head up to make eye contact "Wha'd'ya do with yourself these days? Last time I heard you were ridin' the big red trucks"

"Yeah I'm still in the fire department" she confirmed "I'm part of the investigations unit, arson investigations, checking fire certificates and stuff. Just transferred over this way"

"Aaaah" he said, waving a drunken finger at her "We have something in common there, I'm a _detective_, NYPD, to serve and protect and all that shit"

"It's not shit Don, I've seen it first hand and worked with detectives on cases, NYPD are best of the best at what they do" she told him.

He snorted "Yeah right, not when it matters though huh?" he finished his bottle, she'd barely taken a mouthful of her drink "Wanna take off?" he asked.

"I have a great bottle of scotch at my apartment, Smokie" he stumbled from the bar stool, regaining his balance if not his dignity.

Fi bit her lip. Tricky situation, she'd known Don Flack since she could remember, her and Sam were inseparable as kids and being older he was charged with looking out for them. When he'd been a rookie cop he'd gotten her, Sam and a few others out of a scrapes, picking them up from all over the city. She'd have trusted him with her life – before today. She'd seen him at Christmas briefly just gone, and had heard what had happened to his girlfriend Jess. It was bad enough for his mother to be worried about him. But she knew exactly what he wanted with that invitation, she also knew she couldn't in all conscience walk away and leave him like this either.

"I'll just go to the ladies room" she said "Meet you outside"

"Uh huh" he said, lurching off in the direction of the door.

In the ladies room Fi tried Sam's numbers, both went to voicemail. On the second attempt Fi left a message.

"Hey Sam it's Fi, sorry it's so late but I er, kinda ran into your brother, Don, in a bar, he don't look too good Sam, at all. I'm gonna make sure he gets home OK, call me"

She took a deep breath and went out to meet him.

He was asleep resting against the wall when she got outside, well she hoped he was asleep, if he'd passed out she'd have to call a bus, she'd never move him.

"Hey, Don?" she crouched down next to him, shaking him. He started awake, looking round, confused.

"Hey" he smiled back "Sorry, must have had a few too many" understatement of the century "Little Fi" he warbled on "Come down here and sit a while, been so long since I saw you, you were a cute kid, my Ma and Pop always liked you, and you made something of yourself didn't you? Not like Sam"

"C'mon Don" she said, putting his arm round her shoulder "Up you get" she struggled but managed to get him to his feet "Walk" she commanded "Where's your apartment?"

"A girl normally buys me dinner first" he chuckled, weaving over the side-walk

"Ok, whatever you say" she huffed, he was tall, and leaning a lot of his weight on her. Being a firefighter had made her strong and fit, and she was not far off his height, but he was still heavy.

"Don where's your apartment" she asked.

"You used to have the hots for me, didn'tcha Smokie?" he smirked down at her.

"Right now Don, I just wish you'd walk straight and Smokie, so you know is getting' real old, real quick" she snapped back.

He smiled lazily at her "Whatever you say, Smokie. No, you definitely had a crush on me"

"Yeah, me and half of Queens, _come on_" she cajoled.

"Hah!" he swerved away from her, turning in front of her and putting his arms out to his sides "I _knew it_!" he congratulated himself "Though I didn't think you'd admit it, stubborn little thing I remember"

"Where do you live?" she prompted "Are we even going in the right direction?"

"Course we are" he rocked a few times and she grabbed at his shirt to stop him falling and they collided, she only just managed to keep him upright "Humph, you _have _changed, not good catholic girl any more then?"

"Cut it out" she commanded, people were starting to look. As he was obviously in his own world, she frisked his jacket for his wallet, hoping to find his address.

"If you want me for my money baby" he slurred "I ain't got much"

"I'm looking for your address" she spat through clenched teeth. There was no way she could have left him there, but she cursed the God of whatever that had led to them running into each other, and landing her with this responsibility.

At around 6.30am Fiona woke from her uneasy doze to the sound of someone being violently sick. She listened a moment and then moved the blanket she had taken from the back of the sofa to keep herself warm. She sat up and slipped her shoes on, getting up from the sofa she padded towards the door under the cover of the toilet flushing. She was just easing the door open when Don spoke.

"Erm hey Fi" his voice was raspy and dull, but sober "Thanks"

"No problem" she smiled, wincing at how bad she must look, then thinking that he looked a damn sight worse.

"Do you want coffee or anything?" he asked.

"No, thanks" she smiled "I'm gonna take off. Figured that now you're sober enough not to choke on your own vomit, you'd be OK"

He laughed humourlessly.

"Take care" she said.

"Yeah" he replied carelessly "You too"

She got half way through the door and turned back "Don?"

"Yeah?"

"You reminded me of Sam last night" she said quietly.

"I know you were there for her too" he started "But it's nothing like Sam, I'm OK, just a kicking back a bit. I'll be great"

"Good" she smiled "Oh and Don?"

He raised his eyebrows to indicate she should continue.

"Take a shower" she smiled.

"Sure" she heard him say as she shut the door.

She thought about him on the cab ride home. How many times had she wished, as a teenager, to spend the night with him? He was four years older than her and Sam and quite natural he would be her first crush. He treated her like a little sister, protecting her and she'd mooned over him until he left home to join the force. The last time she could remember seeing him before they all went their separate ways was in his uniform, in front of his house having photo's done at the party his folks had thrown when he got his badge. Sam wasn't there, but as neighbours and friends, the Fallons had been invited. Her over riding memory was teenage jealousy of his girlfriend at the time and getting so drunk afterwards she threw up all night. He'd been right, he'd been her first crush, and that was now a fond memory, but she knew something was seriously wrong, because he just wasn't the same.


	5. Chapter 5

**Trdae Off – Part 2 – 6 months later**

Fiona Fallon walked into the police station, it really was like a zoo in these places. Drunks, prostitutes and undesirables stared as she approached the desk sergeant.

"Yeah" the guy replied lazily. His name tag identifying him as officer Swans. He looked more like the ugly duckling.

"I called earlier" she replied "I'm from the fire department, I need police support on a case, was told to come here"

"Sure" said tapping lazily on the computer "The sergeant'll be along, take a seat"

Fi elected to stand. The seats didn't look clean and the guy sitting next to the only available space looked like he'd like to eat her. She stared at the tattered posters advertising various neighbourhood initiatives and posters of wanted criminals, feeling uncomfortable.

"Fi?" she spun round to see Don Flack, a hell of a lot more sober, and cleaner than the last time she saw him "What are you doin' here?"

Fi felt guilty, she'd never even called him to see if he was OK. She'd spoken to Sam and knew he was getting back to himself, but she'd never even called him after that night. Not that she had his number, or that he'd called her either.

"Hi Don" she smiled "I'm here to organise some back up for a bar closure I need to effect, they're not very cooperative"

"Hey Swans?" Flack yelled "What you doin' leaving NYFD hanging on out here with these goons? Where's your manners man? And straighten your tie, in fact change it, you got more donut on it than dunkin's!"

"It's OK..." Fi mumbled slightly embarrassed as everyone was looking now, she noticed his companion at that point. The guy was smaller than Don, with 'bed head' dark blonde hair and a cheeky grin.

"It _is not OK_!" he said "Who are you seeing?"

"I don't know" she shrugged "I called and was told to come down, and Officer Swans said the Sergeant would be down..."

"Come through" he all but ordered, punching a code into the door and holding it open for her and his companion "That guy needs to be retired on grounds of chronic laziness, he couldn't catch cold these days, never mind criminals"

He let the door bang and stomped off through some more doors and up a set of stairs.

"Seeing as Happy Harry has forgotten his manners" Don's companion said with the cheeky grin again "I'm Danny Messer, crime lab" he held out his hand and they shook briefly, chasing Flack up the stairs.

"Hi" Fi responded "Fiona Fallon, NYFD investigations unit"

"Sounds interesting, I've worked with them a couple of times, we must have missed each other"

"I only transferred a couple of months ago from across the city" she said "I haven't been in the job long and mainly getting jobs checking places out for safety at the moment. That's why I'm here, a bar has been issued a 14 day repair order and today I went back and it's not been done and they refuse to close. I need NYPD to back me up and close the place by force if needed, just got the warrant"

They had followed Flack to his desk, he sat at his computer.

"What's the bar?" he asked in clipped tones, giving Danny a weird look.

"Crazy Jakes" Fi replied, checking her warrant "Owners name is Jake..."

"Levenson" Flack cut her off "I can think of a hundred other reasons that bar needs closing, but this one, if we have the warrant, will do fine. Lemme get some guys together" he stood and walked off, through another set of doors, leaving them swinging wildly.

"He's not usually so rude" Danny apologised.

"I know" Fi smiled back.

"Really?" Danny asked "You know I was lying then, he's normally worse"

Fi shrugged "He's always been edgy" she said "He's had a hard time recently"

"Yeah" Danny looked downcast a moment "How do you know him?"

"We grew up in the same neighbourhood, I went through school with his sister"

"Sam?" Danny asked "How's she doin? She was in trouble a while back"

"She's getting there" Fi said, eyeing Don as he stalked back through to them.

"Let's go" he said breezing past them "Danny I'll catch up with you later at the lab"

"Sure" Danny did a mock salute at Don's back, grinning at Fi "Nice to meet you" he told her.

"You too" she agreed "I'd better..." she gestured to Flack who was impatiently holding the door for her.

"Definitely" Danny nodded "Have fun!"

…...

Don never spoke the entire journey to the bar, except to swear occasionally at other drivers. They pulled up outside, and he turned in his seat to look at her.

"I appreciate you not broadcasting what happened before" he said "I know you'd called Sam, and I appreciate that too, I'm sorry if I did anything..." he tailed off, embarrassed to admit he actually couldn't remember if he'd acted inappropriately towards her.

"It's OK" she replied quietly "You were pretty drunk, but no you didn't do anything bad, I just hope you're doing better now"

"I am" he confirmed, though not looking at her "I bet my ma told yours about my partner, it's been tough, but I'm good"

"I'm glad" she smiled.

"Let's do this" he said getting out of the car.

…...

"Jake Levenson?" Flack was in full cop mode "Someone wants a word with you"

"Come to turn my joint over again Flack?" the guy from behind the bar replied "I told you, no drugs or illegal women here, but knock yourself out, you tried to shut this place more times than I had hot women"

"Shut up" Flack ordered, stepping aside so Fi could move forward.

"Jake Levenson, you are served and ordered to close these premises immediately for not complying with state fire safety laws" she said.

"Aw c'mon lady" the guy protested, coming round the bar he leaned back against it "I told you, I ain't shuttin' down, I'll do what'ya told me to"

"You've had fourteen days" Fi replied "And now you're closed"

"Whaddabout my staff?" he whined.

"Your problem, this place is a death trap" she was getting annoyed "You've got the worst fire precautions I've seen in years, I've had to drag bodies outta places like this, and believe me charred remains? It's not good for business"

"You can't close me down!" he protested.

"I can and I have" she replied, thrusting the warrant at his chest "And you're going to be prosecuted"

"Prosecuted?" Flack interjected "Oh good" before the guy could react, Flack had him face down on the bar.

"Jake Levenson, you are under arrest, you do not have to say anything..." as he secured the cuffs.

"Arrested?" Levenson protested "What for?"

"Convention of fire regulations" Flack hauled him upright "Not doing as you're told and generally being a scumbag, but mainly for wearing that damn awful shirt"

He flicked at the loud Bermuda shirt he was wearing "All the illegal money you make here, think you'd afford some decent clothes"

"Hey that's slander..." Levenson yelled as Flack pushed him towards a uniformed officer.

"Get him outta my sight" he hissed "Before I shoot him"

…...


	6. Chapter 6

**Trade off – Part 3 – 8 months later**

"Donnie!" Kathleen Flack greeted her eldest with open arms.

"Hey Ma" he kissed her on the cheek.

"Your Pa will be so pleased you could make it" She took his face in her hands "How are you doing Son?" her eyes were worried.

"I'm doin' OK Ma" he smiled.

"Really?" she queried. Out of her three kids, Donald Junior had always been the one she didn't need to worry about messing up. He had a good job and a level head, he was like his father. Of course being a mother she still worried, knowing as her husband had before him, her son put his life on the line every day. But she never need worry he'd screw up like Samantha or Sean, until Jessica died. Donnie had never had to deal with pain like that, and he didn't do it well. She'd thought he was heading down the route of his sister for a while. She hadn't held him as he cried since he was a child, but she did it too many times after Jessica died. He had picked himself up and if not moved on, seemed to be dealing with it.

"Really Ma" he said "I'm OK"

"I hope so" she hugged him "I want my boy back"

He laughed he'd always been her boy, even at 33 nearly 34, he was still her boy and he knew how proud she was of him. She adored his father, and Don junior was his fathers son, through and through.

"Who is it Kathleen?" Don heard his father's voice echo through the hall.

"It's me Pa" he called back, as his father came into view.

"Donnie! How ya doin' pal?" his father held his hand out and Don took it, finding himself pulled into an awkward hug.

"Hey Pa" he mumbled.

"Good to see you Son" the older man said "Too busy catchin' the bad guys to visit your folks?" he gently chided.

"You know how it goes Pop" he smiled "Too many crims and not enough cops"

"Never changes" Donald senior agreed "Come on through, everyone's out back"

They headed through the house, it was Donald senior's 60th birthday and an assortment of family and friends were gathered in the Flack's back yard. Don junior greeted several family members, fielding concerned looks from Aunts and sympathetic shoulder grips from uncles. He was grateful for the concern, something he hadn't been before, he'd resented it.

Taking a beer from the table he popped the lid off and sat down on the grass. It felt good to be home, amongst his family.

"How are ya?" his brother Sean sat next to him, Don was surprised to see him there, Sean made it home less often than himself "Sorry about your girl"

"Thanks, it was over a year ago now Sean, but thanks" Don replied dryly "And I'm good, you?"

"I got some stuff goin' on ya know" Sean said.

"When don'tcha?" Don quipped.

"It's all good" he said "Gonna marry that girl, ya know, the one I knocked up?" he asked.

"You got a woman pregnant?" Don asked in mock horror "I'm gonna be an uncle and you didn't tell me?"

"We're both kinda busy Donnie" Sean replied "The repair shop is taking off and Mitzi has her own business makin' jewellery"

Don nearly choked on his beer "Mitzi?"

"Yeah" Sean had a soppy smile on his face as he handed his brother a picture of a bleach blonde, smiling away in a photo, wearing more make up than clothes "That's my Mitzi"

"Well er, congratulations" he handed the picture back. Sean was a good hard working guy, but he had awful taste in women and this new one was no different "She not here today?"

"No, she's had herself booked for a pamper day for weeks, couldn't really miss out with the baby comin'" he replied "Anyway good to see ya man" Sean stood up and wandered over to a group of younger men crowded around a table.

Don junior sat awhile just watching, before he got up to get himself another beer, and a few chips from the bowl. As he spotted an empty seat near his father.

"Happy Birthday Pa" he said handing him a small box from the inside of his jacket. His father opened the box, it contained a gold watch, the back engraved 'To Pa with love Donnie, Sean and Sam XX'. Donald senior's eyes filled a moment, with an emotion he couldn't name.

"Thanks Son" he said, he realised that Donnie had done this himself. The watch was expensive and neither of his other kids could afford to even put money towards a gift like that. They were good kids, and he loved them, and they were lucky to have a brother like Donnie, he knew how many times they had both leaned on him to get them out of scrapes, or borrow money. He himself had done his fair share of that. The doorbell pealed again, breaking the awkward silence.

"I'll get that" Don junior stood and headed to the door.

"Hi-i, oh Donnie how good to see you" Don found himself engulfed in a highly perfumed hug.

"Hi Mrs Fallon" he mumbled into her cloud of hair.

"Molly put the guy down!" a deep voice boomed from behind her "Donald Junior" he nodded to Don, holding out his hand.

"Hello Mr Fallon" Don greeted shaking the other man's hand "Good to see you again"

"Takin' a break from the big city young man?" he chortled.

"Something like that" he agreed, catching a glimpse of Fiona, their daughter behind them.

"Fiona" he greeted, kissing her on the cheek "I didn't know you were coming down"

"I came down yesterday on the train" she told him, slightly flushed – she hadn't expected him to be here either.

"Of course!" Mrs Fallon clapped her hands together "Kathy told me you guys had met up again through your work! What a coincidence!"

Don shut the door as they filed through, he caught Fi's arm before she could get further.

"Thank you for not telling my folks, or yours about last year. Sam never said anything and I appreciate it, Ma just would have worried" he said quietly.

"Like I said, it's fine, I'm glad I was there to help" she smiled.

Don felt himself getting uncomfortable, standing so close in the hallway.

"Did you nail Levenson?" he asked, already knowing the answer because he'd looked it up months ago.

"We sure did" she smiled "Thanks for your help on that, I know where to come in future"

"Any time" he replied leading her though to the back yard.

…...

Donald Senior yawned and stretched in his chair, he wasn't as young as he used to be. Micky Fallon took that as his cue.

"Come one Molly" he boomed "Time we were going honey"

It was getting late and the party had downsized and moved inside. The Fallons, and the Flacks were neighbours and friends and had been for years, and were more like family, there were a few aunts and cousins left, and Don junior. Sean had taken off to tend to Mitzi.

"What time's your train honey?" Molly asked her daughter.

"They go every hour Mom" Fiona replied looking at her watch "I can get the midnight and be home by one"

She was sitting on a low sofa with Don Junior. The conversation had been stilted and awkward at first but when it turned to work, they lost the awkwardness and had chatted on.

"You taking the train?" Don Junior asked her surprised.

"Yeah, I'm at work again tomorrow" she told him.

"That's not the safest option, a woman, alone on that train at this time of night" he said frowning "I'm driving back tonight, can I give you a ride?"

"Listen to him" Kathleen nodded to her son, laughing, aiming the comment at Molly "Never off duty are they, cops?"

"Well, if you're sure..." Fi hated being put on the spot, and felt awkward again, like she used to when she was 13 and she had a thumping teenage crush on him, and he used to offer her a ride home from school. She berated herself, for God's sake they were both in their 30's and had known each other for ever!

"I police those streets" he said with a knowing look "I know what it's like, I'd feel better knowing you weren't on that train"

"Ok, thanks" she said.

…...

He waited for her in the car as she said good bye to her parents and collected her bag. He'd already said his own farewells on the doorstep, his mother shoving food at him and wiping away tears. He watched Fiona hug her father, trying to work out how long it was since he'd helped her on the Levenson case. It didn't seem as long as it was, it had been more than 6 months, and 6 months before that when she'd carried him home from the bar a month or so after Jess died. He realised he'd been thinking about her more than maybe he thought he had. Looking for her at traffic accidents or fires where NYPD crossed with FDNY, she was never there.

"Thanks for this" she said as she climbed into the car "You may have saved my Dad a coronary"

"Didn't anything I tell you about my job scare you?" he asked laughing "I'm not surprised that he was worried, I was too"

"That's..." Fi stopped, not wanting to continue.

"What?" he quizzed.

"Nothing" she looked slightly embarrassed.

"Nah, c'mon" he said pulling onto the freeway "What were you gonna say?"

"I was gonna say sweet" she laughed "But sweet doesn't kinda suit you"

He laughed "Well, I'd have to agree with that I think, how about considerate?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Considerate is better" she nodded, both laughing.

The journey continued in much the same way, gently teasing each other with childhood memories, laughing.

Don pulled the car over outside Fi's apartment building and cut the engine. He got out and walked around to her side, closing the door softly as she stepped out.

"Thanks Don" she smiled up at him "I appreciate it"

"It was good to catch up properly" he said "I'll walk you up to your apartment, I know what kinda nuts hang out in stairwells"

She laughed "You don't need to you know, I've kept myself alive this long"

"I know, you've always been good at taking care of yourself" he turned his head on one side slightly and for a second couldn't make eye contact "But I want to" It was true, he did.

She led the way up 3 flights to her apartment, turning the key in the lock she turned to face him, realising that she'd wanted him to drive her home, and walk her up, and that her damned teenage crush was coming back.

"Well thanks again" she said.

"Pleasure" he replied, not moving, looking past her into the apartment. He didn't want to go.

"What?" she laughed swinging the open "You wanna check for burglary suspects inside Detective Flack?"

He laughed back "You can't be too careful" he agreed.

"Shall I put some coffee on then while you check it out?" she walked through the door, holding it for him.

"Coffee's good" he smiled, closing the door behind them. He _was_ thirsty he defended to himself. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to break the connection yet. He was scared he might not have the guts to re-establish it again after tonight.

"That was quick" she said, hearing him behind her as she put the coffee pot on "Sure you done a thorough job there Detective Flack?" she teased.

"My cop senses tell me it's all clear" he replied, leaning against the counter "You're safe for tonight"

She wondered how safe _he_ was, she was having flash backs of teenage fantasies and this was one of them, 15 years later. She mentally shook the thought away, he's attractive yet safe, she thought and you haven't seen him for a long time, she was bound to feel like this. Surely?

She turned as the coffee pot started to bubble away to itself, she leaned against the opposite counter facing him. Without the medium of driving, coffee making or apartment checking between them, the atmosphere changed.

"It was a good party" she ventured.

"Yeah it was" he replied "I don't get down to my folks often enough"

Silence again as they weighed each other up. Geez, this is awkward he thought. A couple of years ago they'd probably be in bed by now, he wasn't a patient man when it came to sex. The thought brought him up sharp, he was slightly shocked that he'd been thinking about that at all, and realised that somewhere in the back of his mind, it wasn't a new thought. His face changed and she saw it.

"Are you OK Don?" she asked sharply, wondering if he'd been able to read her face, and it had showed what she'd been thinking, reading people was his job after all.

"Can I ask you something?" he said, noticing a slight flush creep up her neck and face before she turned to pour the coffee to hide it.

"Sure" she responded in what she hoped was a flat tone, inside she was thinking shit! Shit, shit, shit! He's gonna ask me...

"Why have you never called me Donnie? Everyone from home calls me Donnie, always have, but you, always Don, or Donald, if I pissed you off" he smirked.

She took a deep breath, you could only pour coffee so slowly without raising suspicions to what you were doing. She turned, placing a cup next to him on the counter, and standing a little closer.

"Milk? Sugar?" she put both down next his cup, watching as he added both.

"Thanks, don't change the subject" he quipped, pinning her to the spot with a look she was sure got criminals to sing like canaries, female ones anyway.

"You were...always so grown up" she decided on the truth, he'd know if she were lying anyway, she'd tried it once, long ago to cover for Sam, he wasn't a 1st grade detective for nothing.

"Grown up?" he frowned.

"Yeah" she shifted slightly, buying time "You were always so sensible and being what? Four? Five years older than us, you just were so..." she struggled to find a phrase that didn't involve 'hot', 'sexy' or anything similar.

"Cool?" he supplied with a smirk.

"Modest?" she offered back, both laughing.

"Something I've never been, especially not as a teenager" he admitted "But really that was it, you thought I was grown up?"

"Donnie was what we called you as kids" she said "And anyway you _hated_ it as I remember and insisted on being called Don, or DJ"

"Ah, yeah" he coughed "DJ we can forget, though everyone else still called me Donnie"

She shrugged "Don seems to suit you better, why anyway?"

"I don't know" he admitted "I just wanted to know" he drained his coffee cup, putting it in the sink and looked at his watch "I'm gonna take off, my weekend off stops at 6am and you can guarantee someone will get the urge to murder someone else at 5 past"

"Probably" she agreed, placing her cup next to his and followed him to the door.

He opened it, holding it with one hand as he turned to face her, he noticed the blush creeping up her neck and realised he liked the thought he was doing that.

"Lock your door" he warned "There's all kindsa crazy people in this city"

"Cross my heart" she promised.

"Thanks for the coffee" he stepped a little closer to her.

"Thanks for the ride" closer again "And the security briefing"

"You're welcome" leaning closer, she swallowed.

"It was informative" shit she was babbling.

"Good" he said, he thought to himself any closer and we'll be...as his free hand involuntarily came up to the side of her face, he almost backed off as her eyes widened, and then he kissed her softly, barely touching her lips. A thrill went through him as she responded.

He pulled away just as gently "Bye" he whispered.

She stood stunned for a second as he walked to the top of the stairs, smiling back at her, she smiled and then willed herself to move, shutting the door. She couldn't think about this now. She just couldn't.

Don bounced down the stairs, he wasn't sure what he was going to do, but that had made him feel really good. He was relieved that she hadn't slapped him, he knew she had a temper, but she'd responded too. He got into his car, grinning to himself before driving home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Home comfort**

"Flack!" Danny Messer pounded louder on the door "I ain't goin' nowhere! Don't make me break down this door!"

A door across the hall opened "Is everything alright?" an elderly lady asked him from behind her safety chain.

Danny flashed his badge "It's OK Ma'am" Danny assured her "Police business"

She shut her door with a sniff, Danny was about to start hammering again when the door opened.

"What d'ya want Danny?" Detective Don Flack looked awful, greasy hair, face full of stubble, his eyes half closed.

"Geez Flack" Danny shouldered past him "You didn't turn up for work again"

"So?" Don slammed the door, leaning against it folding his arms "I'm taking a few days off, and I don't remember inviting you in"

"I'm your buddy" Danny squared up to him "I don't need no invite"

Don pushed past him, throwing himself down on the sofa, Danny followed taking in the state of the place. Don wasn't particularly tidy anyway, but the place was disgusting. Empty beer and whiskey bottles, curtains half closed, a filthy blanket on the sofa.

"You been sleeping in here?" Danny asked "What's wrong with your bed?"

Don shrugged, so Danny continued "It's a mess in here Don, and so are you, when did you last take a shower? Or eat?"

"I dunno" Flack mumbled, shaking a beer bottle, finding it half full he took a swig.

Danny ripped it out of his hand "That's not real sensible is it now?"

"Gimme a break Danny!" Flack jumped to his feet.

"No Don" Danny stood his ground, he knew even in the state he was in now, Don could floor him if he wanted to "You need to stop this, you lost Jess, damn it's shit man, but you're gonna lose everything else the way you're goin', would Jess want that?"

"How the fuck do we know what Jess would have wanted huh?" Flack got into Danny's face "She's dead Danny, she died and I did nothin'. So don't preach to me about what Jess would have wanted 'cos no one knows do they because she ain't here!"

"She loved you and she wouldn't want this!" Danny protested "No one who cares about you would, alive or dead"

"Remind me to be so sympathetic if Lindsay is ever shot in the line of duty!" Flack yelled back.

"That's below the belt Flack" Danny growled.

Don laughed humourlessly "I don't care anymore Mess, I just don't there's no point. Why should I drag my ass about when there's nothing to do it for any more huh?"

"Nothing?" Danny sat next to him "_WE_ love you Don, me, Linds, Mac, Stella, Adam, hell even Hawkes is missing you takin' the piss"

Don smiled slightly at that.

"Stop pushing everyone away" Danny asked gently "Mac told me what happened on the subway, think of someone else but yourself. Haven't we all lost one of our own too Don? Do you think that we could stand to lose you too?"

Don didn't answer, just started at the filthy carpet.

"Go take a shower" Danny ordered "Then I'm gonna take you for some food and then to your folks place. Mac has covered you for the weekend _again_, but you gotta be back on Monday, and sober, he can't keep doin' it, they already know he's covering for you"

"I didn't ask him to, I didn't ask anyone to" Don said dully as he stood up and headed to the shower.

"I know" Danny said "That's half your problem, you won't ask, but we're here anyway, boom, we got your back even of you don't want it right now"

Don headed to the shower. He'd planned a day of drinking and self pity, but he could do that at his folks place he supposed, at least he'd have some home comforts.


	8. Chapter 8

**How? Just how?**

Detective Mac Taylor kept flicking his attention from the road to Detective Flack chasing the suspect on foot. Flack was out of shape, he was losing ground. Mac pulled the car into an alley, spinning the wheel sideways he pinned the suspect in the alley. There was nowhere to go. He jumped out the car, drawing his gun.

"NYPD, Get your hands up!" he warned, his gun trained on the guy.

"I said hands up, on your head, NOW!" he shouted again "Don't make me shoot you!"

The guy slowly raised his hands.

"Get down, on the floor, keep your hands where I can see them!" Mac ordered, wondering where in hell Flack was.

Mac managed to cuff and get the man to his feet before Flack eventually puffed his way into the alley.

"Stop for a bottle?" he taunted him "My office, when we've got rid of him" was all he said, loading the suspect into his car, he drove off leaving Flack to make his way back to his own car alone.

…...

"You wanted to see me?" Detective Flack bowled into Mac's office, slamming the door behind him. He was expecting another roasting, similar to the one he'd had after the crime lab had needed to track his phone to find him.

"Sit down Don"

Flack thought about refusing, but the weight of his superior's stare almost forced him into the chair. Mac sat too, leaning across the desk.

"What the hell is wrong with you Don?" he asked.

"Are you serious?" Flack asked "Are you really asking me that? I know I screwed up Mac, but I'm here, everyday and I do my job"

"Yeah you screwed up Don" Mac leaned further "You were in a known criminals apartment after he saved you from a beating you were too drunk to see coming or be able to defend yourself from" he held up a hand to stop Don as he tried to refute Mac "Listen! Lindsay had to save your ass when you froze, coulda got you both killed. Danny has picked you out the gutter more times than I care to remember in the last 3 months. You lost Jess, and believe me Don I understand how you feel, but you've got to shake it off and get something of yourself back out there on the street"

"I am" Don was angry at Mac's words, but held himself "I haven't missed a day this past month, put overtime in and no drinking"

"That's not strictly true" Mac retorted "You just drink at home now"

"So I need a beer to help me relax, so what?" Don defended "Are you making this official? You think I'm not up to it?"

"I'm thinking about it" Mac admitted "Up until Jess died, you held the highest record for a detective in on foot pursuit arrests. You are out of shape, mentally and physically and that's putting yourself and your colleagues in danger, you have a week to get back to the gym and shape up, or I am filing an official request you go for a psych eval."

"Great mac" Don stood "Thanks for your support!"

"This is my support Don" he also stood, watching him go, hoping he hadn't just pushed him into another binge. He dreaded the officer down calls, he was terrified that one of them was going to be Flack. His team couldn't lose another one. Jess had been hard enough, and they hadn't worked with her that long. If something happened to Don, especially at his own hand, they would fall apart. _He_ didn't think he was strong enough to get them through that too.

"You know where to find me if you want to discuss this further" he called after Don as the door to his office swung violently shut.

"Hey Flack, listen..." Stella greeted him as she came out of the elevator.

"Not now Stella!" he shouldered past her.

She followed him "What's wrong?" she asked softly as the elevator doors closed.

"I'll tell you what's wrong Stella!" he rounded on her "I am fuckin' sick of everyone tellin' me I'm not up to the job, that I'm fallin' apart, that I'm a danger to everyone else. Maybe I should just turn in my badge and give you all a break! Twice Mac has roasted my ass, Danny's on my case, even the guys at the station are giving me sympathy looks, damn IT!" he punched wall of the elevator.

"And you think behaving like this is the answer?" she shouted back "Really?"

He didn't reply, fists clenched at his side.

"Don, you _are_ falling apart, Mac has every right to call you on it. So has Danny, they care. Do you remember how you rode Danny huh? When he was struggling with shooting that cop? You're his friend and you wouldn't take no for an answer, that's what he's doing for you, Mac too"

"I know" he said quietly "I just can't..."

"I can't pretend to understand what you're going through" Stella told him as the elevator door slid open and he stepped out "But I know a man who does, he's your friend as well as your boss Don"

He didn't answer as the doors silently closed again.

This is going to be a 2 parter me thinks...


	9. Chapter 9

**How, just how? Part II**

Mac Taylor made his way to the door of his home, to answer the insistent knock. It must be someone he knew to come this late, someone who knew he didn't sleep an awful lot.

"Hey Mac" Don said as the door opened "Sorry, it's late. I er..."

"Come in Don" Mac offered.

Don walked into Mac's apartment, noticing pictures adorning the walls. Pictures of Mac's career, of his life, and of his wife.

"Can I get you anything?" Mac asks.

"Coffee would be good" Don replies.

"Sure, take a seat" Mac heads off to make coffee as Don peruses Mac's photo's and other momento's before taking a seat.

Handing Don his coffee, Mac sits directly opposite him "What's on your mind Don?"

"Jess" was all he said "How did you do it Mac? Just how did you get through it?"

Mac knew he was referring to Claire "I honestly don't know how I managed those first few days, Don" he admitted "I hoped she would be pulled out alive I guess, as time went on I had to accept that wasn't going to happen"

Don nodded.

"I felt angry, like you" he admitted, he'd spoken to people about Claire's death a lot, but this was different somehow, Don was on the same level as him, he was locked inside his grief over the woman he loved, and he had killed the man responsible. Mac continued

"If I could have killed the men responsible, I would have. Believe that Don" he told him, meeting his eyes straight "But you can't lose yourself, Claire deserved me to honour her memory, not destroy what we had. I have a duty to her to be that man I was, as much as I can. I date, I may even fall in love again, but Claire will always be there and I will let her be, and honour her by living my life"

"I don't know how to do that right now Mac" Don sighed "I'm lost, I'm angry. I'm angry at her for letting it happen, I'm angry at me, for letting it happen. I'm scared that I'm gonna feel like this my whole life. What Danny and Lindsay have? I could see me and Jess having that, sometime. I feel like my whole future is gone with her"

"Of course you do" Mac replied "But that will pass, it _is _passing, slowly. You have a duty to protect Jess's memory, not tarnish it now. What you had was good, we could all see that, don't throw it away now by losing yourself. Jess's life ended and it is tragic, but don't compound the tragedy by ending yours too, either physically or theoretically, that's not honouring her, it's throwing it all away"

Don sat back in his chair closing his eyes.

"I'm just so damned tired Mac"

…...


	10. Chapter 10

**Roll**

Detective Don Flack stopped in his tracks, he knew it was her, she'd seen him and bolted.

"Never a good sign" said Danny starting to run "You comin'?"

"I'll get the car" he said.

There was a reason this suspect really didn't want to speak to him, but how could he get out of it? Danny had known her as his informant, Danny had found the DNA, Danny had pushed him into a corner. There was no way he could tell him, not even Danny. He wasn't scared of Danny telling Mac, or anyone else, he'd just seen the look of disappointment too many times in Danny's eyes in the past few months, when he'd drank and not hidden it. When he'd lashed out at everyone. Truth be told he didn't want to catch her, because he knew she'd use it to get out of what she may have done. That would spell trouble for him, Danny might not tell anyone but after what he'd done, she sure as hell would, and he couldn't blame her.

**3 months earlier**

Don Flack rolled over in bed, opening his eyes carefully, he needed to do that these days. If he didn't the pain was almost unbearable, compounded by the trick his brain played on a regular basis – he would see Jess. Only he didn't see Jess, because she was dead.

As he focussed he sighed and flung himself onto his back, arm over his eyes as the pain started. What was he doing here, again?

"Well good morning _Detective_" a voice said.

He didn't speak, stealing himself for the stabbing pain through his eyes and into his skull, he got out of bed and got dressed.

"You not gonna speak this morning Flack?"

"I got nothin' to say" he grumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed and slipping into his shoes.

She leaned across the bed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders "You had plenty to say last night" she whispered, trying to suck on his earlobe.

"Vicky" he protested, standing up "This has to stop"

"Yeah, until next time you come a lookin' huh?" she replied angrily "You don't seem to have the same scruples when you're sober do you?"

"I'm trying not to make this harder than it has to be" he said flatly.

"Oh _really_!" she shouted "_You_ come to _me_. You come and knock on my door and next morning you're sorry, you're not gonna do it again. I bet your bosses'd be real impressed to find out you been fucking an informant, an addict from the Bronx huh?"

He got in her face "Who they gonna believe Vicky?" he shouted back "A slut informant like you or a career cop?"

"I'm pregnant!" she yelled.

"Nice try" he stepped back, this really was the last time, he didn't know how this was different from the half a dozen other times his loneliness had brought him here full of whiskey, but he did know it'd be the last. He held up a packet of condoms "You think I'm stupid? I may be drunk but I don't wanna catch what you got"

She slapped him, a mark of how hungover he was that she managed to get him.

"That" he said "You get for free, next time..." he tailed off.

"I..." she faltered and he felt wrong a moment, she wasn't all bad, just got into the wrong groups and they'd dragged her down, he'd seen it enough times. That's why she made a good informant, she had a moral compass still "I have feelings..."

Don didn't feel bad for long, he had no room in his head for anyone else right now.

"Look, I may fuck a girl from the wrong side of the track" he told her "But I ain't gonna marry one"

"You bastard"

"Unlike you, actually I'm not" he was being cruel and he knew it, deliberately hurting her, he wasn't even angry "I used you, I got what I wanted. Now I'm done and you need to get over it because it ain't never gonna happen"

"Until next time" she sobbed.

"Won't be a next time" was his parting shot, they both believed him this time.

**Present**

"So you wanna tell me how I found your DNA all over my victim?" Danny Messer asked her "Vicky, we got you bang to rights here, self confessed thief and addict, been in the cells more times than enough for solicitation, now you graduated to robbery- homicide, it's not such a big leap"

She leaned across the table towards him, flashing a look at Flack, she turned back to Danny "You _sure_ there's nothing I can do to make this all better Detective?" she asked "I have a lot of skills"

"Sure you do" Danny replied "None we're willing to avail ourselves of"

"You _sure _about that?" she said "Maybe your buddy here has other ideas? I'm sure he appreciates the skills I have, in fact I _know_ he does"

"Give us a minute" Flack shot at Danny.

"What?" Danny frowned, he knew there was something going on here and he hoped to hell he was wrong.

"Danny please" Flack stood, blocking Danny with his body "Five minutes"

Danny shook his head and left, Flack turned off the intercom.

"What's up Flack, you wanna replay huh?"

"No" he sat opposite her again "I owe you, big time. You tell me what happened, if you didn't kill the guy, point me in the right direction and I'll keep you out of it. If you killed him, I'm willing to take the rap for what happened Vicky, so I ain't playing games here. It's a one time thing, you tell me the truth and as soon as I corroborate your story you go, all charges dropped. You lie to me and we both go down"

"Seem to remember you liked that" she smiled, this was the Vicky he liked, he could see she was attractive under the cheap clothes and smudged make up.

"What's it to be Vicky?" he pressed, there were no guarantees but this was his only option right now "'Cos if I need to, I'll go see my boss now"

"You'll lose your badge" she said.

"I'm willing to take that risk to catch a killer, I'm dedicated" he replied.

"Ok, I'll tell you" her shoulders slumped "But I want no part in any more, you get me?"

"I do" he replied, going to the door to get Danny. He opened the door and Danny beckoned him out.

"Please tell me that what I'm thinking is way outta line here buddy?" Danny asked.

"She's gonna talk" Flack dodged the question "he didn't kill him, but she knows who did"

"I don't care about that!" Danny growled "You been sleeping with her haven't you? You been trying to get out of this all day Don"

"A few times, months ago" he admitted, he already knew, there was no point in denial.

"Geez Flack!" Danny exploded "What kind of an idiot are you?"

"Drop it Danny" Flack squared up to him "It's done with and sorted, lets just catch a murderer?"

Danny stared at Flack's back in disbelief as he re entered the interrogation room. But he knew he wouldn't tell anyone else, Don had lost enough recently, he was fighting his way back on the job at least.


End file.
